Sometimes I feel I'm in so many places, but processing none of them well.
I'm teaching through Genesis 1-11 in one class, John 3 and 4 in another, James in yet another; discipling someone through Deuteronomy, teaching a women's class on Job, and trying to decipher a thousand cross-references for each of these in-between.
And while I love the learning in all of these places, I still haven't shaken the last place my heart landed as I was reading through Philippians 2. As I walked through verses 5-8, I saw the levels Jesus kept stepping into as He lowered Himself from "the form of God" all the way down to a criminal's death on a cross. I mean, how do you wrap your head around the fact that Jesus existed in the very spirit-form of God, yet chose to empty Himself of this form and take on human flesh? And what exactly did He empty Himself of?
I pondered that for a week until I listened to a sermon on Job that took me to the answer I think I've missed for so long: righteousness. Jesus emptied Himself of His righteousness in order to put my unrighteousness on Himself and take it to the cross.
Think about that for a minute (or weeks, if you're like me).
Now, take yourself to His words while on that cross--words I don't think I've ever really understood before:
"My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" (Matthew 27:46).
Personally, I do not think that this was God asking God this question; I think this was a man with the world's unrighteousness all over Him asking God, "Why?"
(And as I searched deeper, I learned that this is the only time Jesus calls Him 'God'; all other times the reference is 'Father'...before and after the cross).
Why these words, Jesus? I mean, You ARE His son. You have the right to ask Your Father a child-parent question. For that matter, You have THE RIGHT to ask God anything!!
Again, I mean absolutely no disrespect in what I am saying here AT ALL, but this is where I am in all of this: I see a man who's asking Almighty God to help him process what is happening to his physical body in the most vulnerable moment of his life--crying out to the only One who can stop the madness all around Him, and seeing nothing change in the process.
What do I do with that?
How do I walk away from the enormous weight of this thought, and simply pick up another book to study?
Jesus emptied Himself of all of His rights in order to put all of my wrongs on His body and nail them all to that cross.
Jesus emptied Himself (moving Himself down the ladder of shame).
He became a bond-servant (another rung lower on the ladder).
He humbled Himself (lower).
He became obedient (still lower).
He died (keep going).
He died on a cross (...there).
I can't get past it, and I hope I never do.
To say that "Jesus paid it all...", doesn't even come close to what I can conceive as all.
So pardon me if I stay in this place for a while; I'm just not ready to move off this ladder.
